Pastries, Michelin, and One (Unforgettable) Food Poisoning in Malta

If you’ve clicked on this, chances are the title raised an eyebrow. And before you start imagining me passed out in a fancy Michelin restaurant after too many pastries—no, no, that’s not how this goes.

Let’s rewind a little…

End of January. My 30th birthday. Cue plane tickets to Malta — a dreamy gift I’d been hinting at (okay, relentlessly talking about) for years.

You didn’t think I’d skip the food, did you?

Malta has a fascinating culinary scene, and there’s a good reason for that. Over the centuries, the island has played host to more conquerors than a season of Game of Thrones. The result? A mash-up of flavors, cultures, and spices—from Mediterranean comfort to Middle Eastern zest.

Now here’s the part you probably weren’t expecting: One of the most iconic Maltese foods looks suspiciously like a Bulgarian banichka.

I’m dead serious. They’re called pastizzi tal-irkotta—flaky, golden pastries filled with creamy ricotta. Just thinking about them makes me drool a little.

But the real MVPs? Pastizzi tal-piżelli—the ones with mushy peas.

If you know me, you’ve probably met the famous red lentil banichki we whip up at home. Well, these are kind of their Maltese cousins. For the uninitiated — imagine a pastry stuffed with a warm, curry-spiced lentil or pea mash. A little exotic, very addictive. You’ll find them everywhere. They’re cheap. They’re glorious. Get them.

(Alas, I didn’t snap any pastizzi pics—but here’s a photo from the ever-charming Fontanella Tea Garden in Mdina, where you can devour a few with a view.)

Now, onto the juicy part.

Since it was my big 3–0, I decided to go a little fancy. You know—birthday girl energy.

Right next to our hotel (The Embassy Valletta Hotel) was Aki—a sleek Japanese restaurant with a Michelin nod. The stars were aligned.

I threw on my best clothes (no room for mediocrity on this day), and we were warmly greeted, seated, even congratulated. I had oysters for the first time (weird little creatures, if I’m honest), sipped some pretty cocktails…

But let me be blunt: Sofia does Asian better. Like, way better.

Look, when you hear Michelin, your taste buds stand to attention. But this place? Didn’t really deliver. Maybe it was me. Maybe it’s just overhyped. Either way, it didn’t spark joy.

The service, I’ll admit, was stellar. Attentive but not clingy. (Unlike some local chains where the waiters check in more than your therapist.) And they were sweet enough to bring out a surprise birthday dessert, candle and all. Cute, not gonna lie.

Sadly, the final chapter of my Maltese food saga took a darker turn.

On our last evening, a Maltese friend of mine took us to a traditional spot—Ta’ Detta Restaurant. We went full local:

• Bebbux – snails in tomato sauce

• Bigilla – spicy mashed beans

• Bragioli – beef-wrapped meatloaf meets mystery

The food? Delicious. My digestive system? Less thrilled.

Yes. You know what’s coming.

Let’s just say my most vivid memory from that night isn’t the charming streets of Valletta… it’s the scent of bragioli and me losing my dignity at the airport. Graphic details spared. I can’t say the restaurant was bad — but hey, if you want to go, you’ve been warned.

Now, minus the trauma, Malta’s food scene does deserve some love.

Highly recommend:

• Taproom Valletta – tiny, romantic, Italian.

• Zero Sei Trattoria Romana – if pasta is your soulmate.

• Nenu The Artisan Baker – for a traditional Maltese fix.

At Nenu, I tried rabbit stew. Spoiler: you’ll be eating with your hands. It’s messy, it’s primal, and it’s good. Also tried ftira — Maltese flatbread that’s focaccia-adjacent. But be warned: fillings are hit or miss. Mine was… very much a miss.

Now, if you’re into seafood, head straight for Marsaxlokk. This adorable little fishing village in the south has some gems. I had lemon risotto with calamari at Roots, and I swear I almost cried. Yes, it was that good.

And I haven’t even mentioned the coffee…

Let’s be real—coffee is my religion. I’m writing this at 5:30 p.m. with a double espresso in hand, so trust me on this one.

• Lot 61 – fabulous coffee, great vibe… unless you’re emotionally attached to your carrot cake and prefer it not to be hijacked by a flock of pigeons. (It was chaos. The staff saved the day with a free replacement. 10/10 for hospitality.)

• Coffee Circus Lisboa – okay coffee, stunning view. Sometimes that’s all you need.

Bonus round…

There’s a bar in Malta that might just be one of the coolest I’ve ever set foot in. And surprise— it’s run by a Bulgarian!

Kamy Cocktail Bar Valletta is a moody little gem serving cocktails inspired by famous artworks: Van Gogh’s Starry Night, Klimt’s The Kiss, Dalí’s Persistence of Memory… you name it. They print the actual art on rice paper and float it on your drink. Everything—from the glass to the coaster—is a tiny, boozy masterpiece.

It’s small, so prepare to queue. But so worth it.

P.S. Before you leave, grab a bottle of carob liqueur from Chocolate District. Thank me later.