Unpacked: Vienna. Third time is (not) a charm

I don’t like Vienna.

Strong statement, I know.

But after three visits to the Austrian capital, I can finally admit it – hand on heart, no excuses left –

I

don’t

like

Vienna.

There’s a strange dissonance in my head, because Vienna is everything I should love: great coffee, decent brunch, stunning architecture, and people who are… suspiciously polite.

And yet, whenever someone asks me, “So, how was Vienna?”, I pause. Slightly awkward. Because the answer is: it was fine. All three times, it was fine.

But it was never good.

Vienna is the most polished city I’ve ever been to. So polished it almost becomes unsettling. It’s like the top button of a shirt—technically it fits, but you can’t wait to unbutton it.

Everything feels like a perfectly arranged version of reality. Like a Sims simulation, just with a bigger budget.

You might think I’m being unnecessarily sharp here, like some hipster snob trying too hard. So let me be clear: Vienna is objectively great.

If you’ve just turned 50, don’t mind spending a small fortune on surprisingly mediocre Viennese coffee and an underwhelming Sachertorte, while sitting in oversized chairs wrapped in red velvet—this is your city. Or if opera makes your heart race.

And I think we all know I’m not that person.

The city has a very specific rhythm: pedestrians gliding past ornate carriages with questionably cared-for horses, no one bumping into each other, no one rushing, everyone perfectly composed.

It’s polite. Controlled. Efficient.

And just a little too… programmed.

And then there’s the gold.

It’s everywhere. Not always screaming for attention, but always there - in façades, in interiors, in the tiniest details. Enough gold to make you feel like a guest in someone’s home who really wants you to notice how rich they are.

Have you been to the Kunsthistorisches Museum? One of the richest collections of art and sculpture in Europe, owned for centuries by the Habsburgs. Have you seen how many custom-made compasses they had?

Yes, yes - I know. Symbolism. Power. Divine right. Political messaging. The whole thing.

But at some point you just want to say: okay, we get it. You have beautiful things. Do we really need to see them in every single room?

Yes, it’s impressive. Klimt, Mozart, Baroque - everything exactly where it should be.

But after a while, Vienna starts to feel like that person on a first date who just won’t stop talking about themselves.

We all know how that ends.

Maybe that’s my problem with Vienna. It doesn’t let you discover it on your own. It doesn’t let you wander into it. It leads you by the hand—like an old countess who has rehearsed every single line she’s about to say.

And still—there are things I genuinely love in Vienna. Just not the obvious ones.

Near Schönbrunn, there’s GOTA—one of the best specialty coffee spots I’ve come across. Ranked second in Europe and seventh in the world by The World’s 100 Best Coffee Shops..

The kind of place where the barista doesn’t just make your coffee, but is ready to discuss it, recommend it, and casually share a recipe tailored to whatever gear you have at home.

If you’re already in the area, Schönbrunn Palace is absolutely worth it. And while you’re there, don’t skip the zoo.

Highly recommended.

They have polar bears. Pandas. Penguins. Otters. Basically everything that can instantly fix your mood. And it’s genuinely a beautiful place for a walk - especially if the weather is on your side.

As for food - nothing life-changing comes to mind. Except one place.

Near the Prater, there’s Mochi Ramen Bar.  Easily one of the best ramen bowls I’ve had. And I plan my trips around food, so you can trust me on that one.

Oh—and one more thing.

There are two Ferris wheels in the Prater. One is the classic one everyone lines up for. The other, as a very serious Viennese man once explained to me, is “more authentic.”

I have a better idea. Skip both.

If you don’t feel like waiting half an hour just to see Vienna from above, hop on the carousel at sunset instead. It’s quicker, prettier.